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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25977826">The Way I Thought I Lost You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/aareyldassis/pseuds/aareyldassis'>aareyldassis</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Walking Dead (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff, Happy Ending, M/M, Sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:00:20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,677</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25977826</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/aareyldassis/pseuds/aareyldassis</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Daryl's feelings for his best friend only grew throughout the years he had known him. He never had the courage to tell him, fearing that his confession would ruin their relationship. Daryl is now convinced he's lost him after a run in with a herd of walkers. He regrets not telling Aaron how he felt and he misses him dearly. He thinks it's his fault the love of his life and his best friend is gone. But is he actually gone?  ------- this is my first work that I actually wrote a bit ago and finally decided to post, and i dont have much experience writing so pls forgive me if its not that good :(</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aaron/Daryl Dixon, Daaron - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Way I Thought I Lost You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Way I Thought I Lost You </p><p> </p><p>Daryl stared over the vast clearing among the trees from the Hilltop wall, eyes teary. He didn’t notice a quartet of silhouettes approaching in the distance before the setting sun. He was lost in his head, thoughts overcrowding his mind. He kept it hardly obvious, but he was on the verge of collapsing to the ground in a sobbing heap. He knew he had a job to do; stand guard at Hilltops gate while most of its residence was gone helping redirect the herd that had almost killed him. He also never let his true emotions out. Not in front of anyone at least. Diane was across the gate from him and though he trusted her he refused to break down in front of her. But, he kept seeing his face- Aaron’s face; and he would replay the scenario over and over again in his head, staring into space as his mind raced.</p><p><em>“Go! ... Please... Just go. I can’t get out of this and-...” </em> Aaron pleaded. Shortness of breath overcame him and he stopped to gasp for air. “ <em> Even if you get me out I’ll only slow you down. </em>” What were once friendly and welcoming blue eyes were looking up at Daryl from below, pale and stern.</p><p><em> “I’m not leavin’ you Aaron!” </em> Daryl all but yelled at him, frustration building up inside of him. Aaron sighed in reply, he wouldn’t accept it. He <em> couldn’t </em>accept it. And so he insisted on.</p><p>
  <em> “You need to, Daryl. Please.”  </em>
</p><p>The groans of the undead became more audible by the second. Meaning that the herd was catching up, and fast. Daryl peered up at and inspected the area of the forest that he and Aaron had come from; he already could see half a dozen walkers nearing. Having no weapons but a small pistol, he unholstered it and removed the magazine to count the bullets. </p><p><em> “Eight.” </em> he announced faintly. He reattached it and aimed at the rotting head closest to Aaron, who was struggling to remove the weight of the fallen log trapping his right leg. With the pull of a trigger, a loud boom echoed throughout the forest, and the undead body fell limp to the ground. He turned back to Aaron, and rushed over again to help attempt to remove the cylinder of wood holding Aaron’s leg in place. He glanced at him, and together they gave their full attempt to push the log over Aaron’s foot, to no avail, it would barely budge.</p><p><em> “Daryl you need to-” </em> a sudden jolt of pain rippled through Aaron’s body as he tried again to move his trapped leg, causing him to cry out loudly in pain. <em> “Just please leave.” </em> He then softly whispered to him. His voice sounded hoarse, trailing off in pain. Another walker came too close, and Daryl hesitated for a second, not wanting to take his eyes off of Aaron, refusing to accept what was happening, before snapping back to reality and almost instantly firing at the creature out of instinct. He missed. He shot again, the shot hit, and the undead body stopped in its tracks and fell in one swift movement just meters away from the men. A few walkers had been stumbling over the logs laid across the forest floor, the same ones that had fallen from the small trailer originally holding the log now trapping Aaron. Tears began to sting Daryl’s eyes, he didn’t want to accept the fact there was nothing he could do to help Aaron. He couldn’t. Rage and sorrow swallowed him, his blood boiled. He hated it- losing people he loved. Beth, Glenn, Carl, Jesus, Henry, Rick. People that were dear to him. They welcomed him as a part of their great family, yet he would always end up losing them one way or another. He looked down at Aaron again, vision blurred from the tears clouding his eyes. He wanted to shut his eyes, for everything to simply not happen the way it was. He also wanted to say something. To apologize, or to promise, anything. He could not even move. He was snapped back to reality by something talking a hold of his hand. He flinched but barely even moved away. It was Aaron. </p><p> “<em>Daryl. You have to go back and help them. They need you... Take care of them- and of Gracie. Please.” </em> Aaron begged; his voice sounded different. Not warm and inviting as usual. It sounded... Soft... Diminishing... Weak. Ready to give up in the battle that was life in the apocalypse. Daryl barely registered what Aaron had said, but rather how he sounded. It hit him differently and something clicked inside of him. He had reached his tipping point. </p><p>He was not going to leave Aaron to be consumed by the monstrous creatures looming over them. He knew his help would be needed back at Hilltop where they were dealing with a herd of their own, but this was one of the people closest to him, and he was <em> not </em> leaving him. He had lost more than enough and he was not letting the world take away from him the person he loved the most. Fury swept over him. He was never one to let his emotions be clear yet now he was simply unable to hide his anger. More walkers had begun to appear and the sounds of even more grew louder and closer. Daryl scanned the surrounding area and snatched a thick sturdy-seeming stick from the ground, he then raised his knee up, slamming the stick down on it, breaking it in half. A slight pain from the impact stung him for a second but he completely ignored it. He wielded the now double sticks as some type of blunt daggers and glared at the first walker. As it came at him, he snarled and dashed at it, viciously shoving his new weapon into the head, then shoving it down with an aggressive kick. </p><p><em> “Daryl!” </em> Aaron begged. <em> “You can’t hold them off forever. You need to lea-” </em></p><p><em> “Just shut up!” </em>Daryl growled back at him. Aaron minutely flinched and shrunk in response. </p><p>Daryl noticed that from the corner of his eye, and immediately felt regret. He threw off a walker that was attacking him and turned to Aaron. </p><p>“I won’t-” he started, interrupted by another walker, and knocked it down. But another came. Then another. Then countless more. </p><p>Daryl was rapidly swarmed by the herd of walkers and was only able to narrowly keep up with the speed at which they kept coming for him and Aaron. After some few minutes that felt endless, there was a minute where none of the approaching walkers were within their sight, the first wave done with. The dirt floor was coated in corpses, the unrest that drove them had vanished, ultimately leaving the bodies at peace. Daryl tried to step towards Aaron but stumbled down, panting, exhausted. His entire body ached. The groans steadily grew louder. Aaron was unable to advance any progress on freeing himself, the wooden log being much too heavy, leaving him breathless on the ground. Daryl looked up at him. Aaron gave him a serious yet gentle concerned look back. Words were not spoken but Daryl knew what Aaron was saying. </p><p><em> “I ain't leavin’ you.” </em>Daryl hissed. He stayed down, one knee on the ground, trying to regain stamina. He glanced up at the walkers that were now in sight, and froze, aghast. </p><p>To his dismay, he saw double the amount of the undead he had just fought off, all cluttered together, approaching as one grand wave of torment and destruction. Daryl stood there, paralyzed. Having been just narrowly able to keep the previous batch of walkers at bay, he now realized what he had to do as much as he did not want to. Aaron’s fate was not up to him to decide anymore, and he knew he needed to accept it as horrid as it was. Daryl averted his gaze and peered down at Aaron, who laid on the ground, exhausted. His expression weary. Daryl removed his gun from the holster and handed it over to him, wordlessly and accompanied by a tearful glance. <em> “I‘ll-“ </em> he tried to speak but was interrupted by the shock of a walker grabbing at his shoulder from behind. He shoved it off and forced a branch in hand into its head, the body tumbled down. He dropped the sticks with it, and turned back to Aaron. <em> “I’ll keep ‘em safe Aaron.” </em> he looked deeply into his eyes, who gave him a reassuring nod and squeezed his hand before aiming his weapon at the closest of the countless walkers now almost on top of them.</p><p>
  <em> “I love you Aaron.” </em>
</p><p>Daryl wanted to say. He wanted to apologize. To confess. To stay. He didn’t want this to happen. He didn’t want to lose him. Not like this. But he knew he had no choice, and so he turned and took off, stepping over the dead bodies, fighting every urge to go back and die with Aaron. He heard a strained “Thank you, Daryl” from him as he left, and a tear rolled down his face. </p><p>Moments passed and would hear gunshots from the weapon he gave Aaron. He would count as he heard them while he ran. “<em> 4... 5... 6... 7…” </em> There were a few extra seconds between the seventh and last shot in the magazine before it was fired. He didn’t want to think about what it probably meant. He didn’t want to feel it. He didn’t want to accept the fact that the person he’d gotten closest to in his life was dead. He wished he had told him how he felt about him. What he wanted for their future with each other, and with Gracie. <em> “God... Gracie…” </em>Daryl had only vaguely thought of her at that point. How was he supposed to tell Aaron’s daughter that her father didn’t make it. She was then at Alexandria and he was not going to even be heading back there for a couple of days. He felt his stomach twist. Suddenly out of breath, he halted to a stop, almost falling forward but instead catching himself on a tree. Instantly tears flooded his face. He couldn’t hold himself together anymore. He collapsed to the ground and wept. </p><p>He thought back to the night of Deanna’s party at Alexandria. It was so many years ago yet he recalled Aaron’s words verbatim, how he saw him walking out there, and invited him in for dinner with he and Eric. That night Aaron saw <em> him </em> , rather than seeing <em> through </em> him like what he was used to. He remembered looking up at Aaron, mouth full of spaghetti after digging into the meal. How he felt when Aaron stared deeply into his eyes. It was as if he was looking <em> into </em>him. His face blushed with embarrassment and his heart raced. He quickly chewed through and swallowed the remaining pasta still in his mouth, refusing to look at either of the men seated at the table, all while his reddening face made his unease more than obvious. Aaron noticed the embarrassment and chuckled, amused but sympathetic. Finally turning his eyes away from him and looking at Eric, who in turn gave him a smile of approval and they both looked back at Daryl, who had ducked his head and continued to eat his dinner silently and less sloppily. Daryl didn’t say it then, or even think much about it then, but something he couldn’t sense yet about Aaron made him want more of him.</p><p>He had known back then that he couldn’t simply pursue Aaron, as he already had something with Eric. <em> “Not that I woulda ever worked up the guts to tell him anyway.” </em> He mumbled to himself through tears. After Eric had died Daryl knew that if he finally had a shot with Aaron, he would give him time to heal. It was the least he could do. Some few months at most. But months became years, and six years later, any hint of courage for Daryl to tell Aaron how he felt about him had dissipated. Since then however, they had grown much closer as friends, and Daryl’s feelings for him grew significantly stronger. He <em> loved </em>Aaron. He would repeat the thought to himself often. He would sometimes imagine Merle making fun of him because of it. Ridiculing and humiliating him for being in love with a man. He would have to remind himself that Merle was gone. </p><p>“<em>And now Aaron is too.” </em>He whimpered quietly.</p><p>          Daryl crooked forward, his face inches from the forest floor, holding his eyes shut as tears continuously streamed from them, dropping to the dirt below one by one. He lost his breath for a few seconds and gasped for air. He then stood on his knees and put his hands over his eyes trying to stop the flood of tears, but then felt something wet that wasn’t tears. He pulled his hands away and inspected them. It was blood. He wasn’t sure if it was his and he frankly didn’t care if it was. His entire body ached and he guessed he probably had cuts and bruises all over. He pictured himself back at Hilltop, Enid patching him up. For a moment he had forgotten that she was dead too. He thought about it again: how far he had gotten but the countless people he had lost on the way. He missed them. All of them. <em> How do I continue livin’ like this </em>? He asked himself. </p><p><em> “But look at how strong you’ve become.” </em> A familiar voice he loved spoke to him. It was Aaron’s. </p><p>Startled, he jumped up and peered around intensely, the tears blurring his vision making that difficult. To his surprise, he saw Aaron standing in front of him. He appeared as if nothing wrong had ever happened to him. He was clean, bright, cheerful. He beamed a smile.</p><p><em> “Ya aren’t really here…” </em>Daryl muttered, looking down.</p><p><em> “Don’t let that distract you from the point. Besides…” </em> Aaron stepped closer to him, lifting Daryl’s chin up and moving some hair covering his eyes. <em> “As cheesy as it sounds, I’ll always be here.” </em> He set his hand over Daryl’s heart, causing him to give in.</p><p><em> “I’m sorry I left.” </em>Daryl mumbled through tears. Aaron laid his hand on Daryl’s face, caressing it and hushing him.</p><p>
  <em> “You did your best. You fought as long as you could. It’s okay Daryl.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “But I- maybe if I just fucking stayed-” </em>
</p><p><em> “Daryl.” Aaron interrupted sternly. “You gave it your all and you know I appreciate it. You’re the strongest person I know. You never hesitate to fight for what you love. And you know you’ve lost so much but look at how it has only made you stronger and more able to protect what you have now. Carol. Connie. Lydia. Judith. Gracie. They all need you to be strong, to endure, to live on.” Aaron pulled Daryl in and embraced him. “Be strong, Daryl.” </em>He said softly into his ear. Daryl held him close and tight, crying into his shoulder. </p><p><em> “I…” </em> He sniffled. <em> “I love you…” </em> He whispered softly, and after not hearing a response for the next few seconds he slowly opened his eyes. Aaron was gone. He fell back to his knees, but rather than continuing to weep, he steadied his breathing. He gave a long, weary sigh, and steadily rose up, tears still flowing. But he felt much calmer now, and collected. He could mourn when he got back to safety. He wiped the tears away and kept on.</p><p>Hours later he had finally gotten back to Hilltop. The walls were up and well, and only a few walkers remained standing outside the perimeter. Corpses of the undead littered the terrain surrounding the community. <em>“Don’t look like it was much of a herd.” </em>He muttered under his breath. It was Michonne who greeted him at the gate. They hugged and Daryl turned around, motioning to the few dead bodies compared to countless walkers of the herd she had previously told him about. <em>“We were able to redirect them north before they got too close.” </em>She then noticed Aaron wasn’t with him. She shot him a curious glance. He shook his head slowly, looking down at his feet. Michonne sighed, sympathetic towards him. She didn’t know how Daryl truly had felt about Aaron but she knew they were best friends, inseparable to the end.</p><p><em>“How… Did it happen?” </em>She asked softly.</p><p>Daryl opened his mouth to answer but for a few moments, nothing came out. <em>  “A log fell off the back of some trailer…” He started. “Trapped his leg, a herd came through... It was huge. I tried to fight ‘em off...” </em>Daryl stopped there, tears had begun to sting his eyes again and he simply couldn’t continue. Michonne noticed and spoke so that he wouldn’t have to, sorry for asking him in the first place</p><p><em> “He was a good man,” </em>she stated, giving Daryl her signature ‘concerned, yet caring’ look.</p><p><em>“Yeah.” </em>he replied faintly after a moment.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Over the next two days he would continuously cycle between standing on the verge of insanity, or accepting what had happened and attempting to overcome it. He had some astounding difficulty doing so. He yearned for Aaron’s touch. The caring, gentle shoulder squeeze he’d give him every time he or Daryl would be leaving for a period of time. Or the short yet loving embrace he would receive when he got returned. </p><p>He snapped out of reverie when Diane called to him from the other side of the gate. </p><p>
  <em> “Daryl, do you see that?”  </em>
</p><p>He was sitting on a chair atop the perch next to the gate overlooking the field in front of the Hilltop. It had been three days since he had returned. He was often lost in his head, and at first didn’t notice the distant figures as they approached. Finally noticing after Diane had pointed them out, he reached for his binoculars and stood up to get a better look. Upon closer inspection, he realized who they were. There were four of them. From left to right: <em> Yumiko, Luke, Alden, and- </em>as they passed under a tree, the leaves blocked Daryl from identifying the last figure. Whoever it was, they were walking with the support of a long metal stick on one side, and with the support of Alden on the other. Daryl started intensely, curious at who he was looking at, longing for a distraction from his thoughts when the face was revealed. </p><p>It was Aaron. </p><p>Daryl froze. The binoculars fell from his hands. They were close enough now for him to recognize without them anyways. He couldn’t decide whether his mind was toying with him. He hoped not. He didn’t know how he would handle himself if it was. <em> “Open the gate!” </em>He yelled and he scurried down the ladder to the gate. As soon as it was half-opened he dashed out into a full sprint. The group approaching was still a few dozen meters away and were pleasantly surprised to see Daryl running at them, although a bit confused as to why. Aaron knew though, and smiled. He let go of Alden and took a few steps forward, opening his arms. Daryl, in tears at that point, practically leaped into Aaron’s arms, pulling him into a tight embrace, holding his head against his own. Daryl couldn’t contain himself, and he began to sob. They remained like that for a few moments before Daryl said something.</p><p><em> “I thought you were-“ </em> he started to say, through tears and sniffles.</p><p><em> “I got lucky, moments after you left, Miko Alden Luke and some others, they found me. They got me out and took out enough of the walkers for us to escape.” </em> Aaron answered. <em> “Thank you though. For fighting as long as you did, I was lucky having you there keeping me alive that long.” </em> </p><p>Daryl pulled back and looked into Aaron’s eyes. He couldn’t believe it. Aaron was alive. </p><p><em> “You…” </em> Daryl paused, hesitant to continue, still. <em> “You’re actually alive... I… I went crazy. I’m in love with you and I went fuckin’ crazy thinkin’ I’d never see you again.” </em>He wanted to say. </p><p>Instead he searched Aaron’s face for a moment; deciding whether or not he should do what he was about to. He closed his eyes, forcing the tears that had yet to leave them out. He grabbed Aaron’s head, pulling him closer, his fingers combing through the curls of Aaron’s hair, and their lips met. Daryl wasn’t sure if Aaron would pull away.</p><p>He didn’t. </p><p>And Daryl wasn’t sure if Aaron wanted that type of intimacy with him as desperately as he did.</p><p>He did. </p><p>They kissed for only a few seconds, every second feeling like its own lifetime of happiness and excitement to Daryl, his heart thundered in his chest. Aaron pulled back, and Daryl’s eyes instantly shot open, undoubtedly worried. He half-expected to see Aaron confused, and had already begun to formulate an apology. But Aaron rather appeared shocked at first, then his expression changed to a half smile- but was left speechless. Daryl got the confirmation he needed from that and broke the silence. Yet unsure whether to proceed, he mentally said <em> “fuck it” </em> and finally spoke the words he had wanted so badly to confess to man in front of him for the six longest years of his life. <em> “I love you.” </em> He declared loudly, smiling up at the love of his life through the tears clouding his eyes and streaming down his face. Aaron grinned back at him, his charming and beaming smile making Daryl’s heart flutter. He laughed happily, and kissed Daryl back intensely, gripping his shirt to bring him closer. He then pulled back again, cradling Daryl’s jaw with the hand he still had, staring intently into his bright and gorgeous blue eyes, and finally repeated the words back to him.</p><p>“<em> I love you too, Daryl Dixon.” </em></p><p> </p>
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